50 Facts about The Boss
by KnightMysterio
Summary: Because The Boss from Metal Gear Solid 3 has more concentrated awesome in a toenail clipping than Chuck Norris and Captain Falcon together. New 'fact' suggestions will be taken if offered.


**_The Boss Facts_**

**_A little bit of Metal Gear Solid silliness by Jonathan "KnightMysterio" Spires_**

_The Boss allows herself to be copyrighted to Konami and claim that they own her. Through her grace I use this under the conditions I make no money off of it and write it just for amusement. Comments, Constructive Criticism, and Compliments are appreciated and encouraged._

_((I had this idea one night and it wouldn't leave me alone. Ideas for new facts on The Boss are always welcome.))_

The Boss taught Captain Falcon how to Falcon Punch and Chuck Norris how to roundhouse kick. After all this time, they still haven't gotten the moves right.

The Boss uses a gun because she prefers a fair fight.

There is only one Boss. All others are just pretenders.

The Boss can divide by negative zero.

The Boss lets other countries exist only because she likes variety.

The Boss has had seven children that she's proud of. One is Revolver Ocelot. Another is Samus Aran. The third was Captain Falcon. The fourth is Dark Schneider. The fifth is Maleficent. The sixth was Lara Croft. The last was Master Chief, although she isn't sure about him, as she was drunk at the time of his conception.

The Boss decides what makes a man. That's why she's The Boss.

The Boss doesn't worry about mines. The mines explode when she gets near them out of raw terror.

The Boss wears armor only to be nice to the snipers that try to kill her. The bullets would run away from her if she appeared in casual clothes.

The Flash learned how to run from watching The Boss going for a stroll.

The answer to life, the universe, and everything is The Boss.

When The Boss says she'll be back, you better pray that you aren't in her way.

Batman learned how to be awesome from The Boss.

The Boss doesn't need a gun to shoot down a plane. She just looks at it and the plane faints from fright.

Sonic travels at the speed of sound. The Boss travels at the speed of death.

The Boss can play the Minute Waltz in five seconds. Twice.

There are no persons who have defeated The Boss. There are those she decided to be nice to and let live.

The Boss can make coal into diamonds by blowing on them gently.

The platypus came into existence when The Boss sneezed on a bunch of random animals.

The Boss never runs out of bullets because any gun she holds just KNOWS BETTER.

The Boss only has sex with the manliest of men. Which says something about The Sorrow, don't it?

Chuck Norris and Captain Falcon will never win their lawsuits against Myspace. Because The Boss didn't bother wasting time with a lawsuit. She just took over the company.

The easiest way to determine The Boss's age is to cut her in half and count her rings. Of course, this would imply two things. 1.) That she let you do it, and 2.) that there exists a blade that wouldn't run away in fear of her.

The Boss once lost her favorite toothpick. It ended up in a lake in England and some dude named Arthur named it Excalibur.

The only reason The Boss is not president is because she thought it was boring. If she ever decided to make the effort, every country in the world would surrender to her.

In a fight between Chuck Norris and Captain Falcon, the winner would be The Boss.

You must ALWAYS capitalize the 'The' in 'The Boss.' She will get offended otherwise. And she knows where you live.

Santa Claus delivers all his presents in one night because he knows The Boss will be annoyed if her gift comes late.

The Boss doesn't need to look both ways before crossing the street. Any cars that get near her explode preemptively out of fright.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by The Boss… no, that's wrong. Nobody dares live by The Boss because she likes her privacy.

The Boss, when asked to form The Cobra Unit, was asked to find the best of the best. She picked the only men that had ever survived having sex with her.

The Boss thinks the Hellraiser movies are comedy films.

There are two types of people in the world: The Boss, and her employees.

Hurricanes form from The Boss's belches. She tried to cut back on the soda, but she just likes the taste too much…

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about The Boss.

One day, a puppeteer found a discarded book marked 'interrogation notes.' The Jigsaw killings began shortly after.

The Boss wants to write a book, but she keeps getting writer's block and discarding her notebooks without writing in them. The sheer awesome absorbed by these books turn them into Death Notes.

The only reason George W. Bush got away with being president is that The Boss took The Cobra Unit on vacation.

The Boss has only gotten angry twice. The final fates of Atlantis and Vesuvius were the results.

The Boss can have her cake and eat it too.

The real reason the dinosaurs went extinct is because The Boss had pregnancy cravings.

The real reason Jason Voorhees never dies is because he annoyed The Boss so much that she decided that only she could kill him.

The reason this was written is because The Boss decided it would be funny.

It's said that the only things certain are death and taxes. That isn't true. The only thing certain is that The Boss will kill you.

The substance Judge Doom uses to kill Toons in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is actually the collected sweat of The Boss.

Paper beats rock. Rock beats scissors. Scissors beats paper. The Boss beats everything.

God is The Boss's baby brother.

Contrary to popular belief, The Joker wasn't born from some guy falling into a chemical vat. He popped into existence the first time The Boss ever laughed at a joke.

What happened to Hiroshima and Nagasaki wasn't a result of a nuke. It was a result of The Boss experiencing diarrhea. She has since sworn off Mexican food.

The Tower of Babel fell because The Boss knocked it over. It was casting a shadow over her sunbathing.


End file.
